May Contain Underwear
A few years ago, we were living in a split house. We occupied the upstairs, and a single man lived in the basement. He was a nice guy and our dogs got along great with his boxer. It was a good arrangement except that we had to share a washer and dryer. Around Christmas time, my mother sent me a box of presents, as she usually does each year. On Christmas morning—I am probably lying, I am like a child and most-likely opened the box the day it arrived—I unwrapped the gifts. Among them was a pair of pink, lacy undies. Sort of a gag present to make me laugh and to awkwardly amuse manbeast.
After Christmas life continued on as normal, until one day when I was doing laundry. I noticed that my underwear supply was low and that the pink Christmas undies were missing. And they weren’t the only ones. I am the sort of person who has a mental catalog of everything in my house. I looked for them everywhere. I dug things out of closets in a semi-psychotic rampage. I searched the laundry area, even digging inside of the dryer to see if they got stuck. All my searching was to no avail. I could not find them anywhere.
That’s when I got to thinking. We had a single man living downstairs. And we shared the laundry appliances with him. I was certain that he had been sneaking my underwear from the laundry. In my mind I threw insults at him, wondered how I was going to remedy the situation, and decided to avoid telling manbeast for the time being.
A week or so went by and we decided it was time to clean up the backyard. It had been snowing heavily for awhile and we hadn’t been able to locate most of the dog bombs due to the weather. It was finally melting a bit, so out we went with masks and shovels. As we were working our way through the war zone, I saw something pink off in the distance. I made my way towards it and started to see a number of other colors popping out of the snow in our yard. I was perplexed, what on earth could they be? As I got closer, I saw that they were made of fabric. Still, I didn’t clue in. I was wondering if a clown had exploded in our backyard.
Eventually, I reached the pink thing. As you have most-likely predicted, it was my pink pair of Christmas undies. But, they weren’t only pink anymore. They had remnants of dog food on them. And chew marks. They were still in fairly good condition, considering. I made my way to the other piles and discovered that they too, were underwear. Hoorah.
That day I learned that Mylo can and will digest anything. His guts are made of steel. Clothing must be locked away in a secure area until laundry day to avoid depleted underwear and sock resources. And, it’s a good thing I didn’t go tell off the guy downstairs.