A Day in the Life…

 

Sometimes my friends call me up and invite me to things. Stress sometimes. These things are usually not pet-friendly. When I decline because of dogs, they always say, “Oh, just leave them alone for the night!”. I always reply, “You have never had a dog, have you?”. So, I have made this post partly out of amusement and partly out of frustration. Perhaps my life will make more sense to my friends. Or perhaps, they will just think that I am even crazier than they do already. Who knows. But, here is my comparison to pre- and post-animal additions.

Now:

6:30am: Wake up. Wipe slobber off of hands. Pretend to be excited to be alive. Let dogs out for quick pee.

7:00am: Feed dogs breakfast. Wipe drool off of floor. Ensure water bowl is clean and full.

7:30am: Say goodbye to manbeast, try to coax dogs to go back to sleep.

8:30am: Give up on hopes of going back to sleep. Take dogs out to play. Initiate scooper duty. Tell dogs not to bark. Throw ball. Wipe slobber grass off of hands. Tell dogs not to go in garden. Chase dogs into house.

10:00am: Clean cat barf off of floor. Feed cat. Trip over dogs while walking to desk.

11:00am: Tell dogs that you can’t pet them right now because you are working. Feel guilty. Receive evil glare until dog falls asleep.

12:00pm: Take dogs out for romp. Walk, throw ball. Tell dogs not to chase bees. Tell dogs not to chase birds. Tell dogs not to bark at meter-reader lady.

12:30pm: Promise dogs treat. Bring them inside and give them treat. Tell them not to steal from each other. Give cat treats. Pet dogs. Sing song to dogs. Try to work.

3:00pm: Take dogs out for another romp. Throw ball. Ignore -40 or +30 weather. Try not to die of heat exhaustion or frostbite. Attempt to command dogs to go potty. Watch dogs wrestle. Watch dogs get filthy. Tell dogs to leave bugs alone. Go inside.

5:55pm: Tell dogs it’s not time for supper yet. Have dogs paw you until you give in and take them outside. Again.

6:00pm: Take dogs outside. Tell dog to not chase tail. Tell other dog to not eat bees.  Tell dog not to roll. Take dogs in and feed supper.

6:15pm: Occasionally clean barf off of floor and feed dog again. Tell dog not to get so excited. Tell other dog not to eat barf.

7:00pm: Play in house with dogs. Be depressed about amount of fur in house. Retrieve ball from under sofa. Retrieve ball from under coffee table. Retrieve ball from between couch cushions.

7:30pm: Eat own supper. Tell dogs to lie down. Call dogs over to clean food that fell on floor. See dogs sad faces. Set aside morsels to give to dogs after done.

8:00pm: Tell dog to get out of dishwasher. Wedge self on couch between arm rest and dog. Try not to disturb dog. Feel need to pee, refuse to disturb dog and hold it.

9:00pm: Snuggle cat while dog sleeps on lap. Tell cat not to put butt in face. Watch dog wake and be jealous.

10:00pm: Take dogs outside. Play with them. Command them to potty. Watch as beautiful lawn gets torn up from dogs chasing each other. Give up on nice yard.

11:00pm: Tell dogs it’s bedtime. Wedge self into bed between animals. Wish you had bigger bed. Fall asleep with one animal on legs and one on chest.

1:00am: Wake having to pee. Find bed free of animals. Get up. Navigate dark shapes of dogs on floor like stealth ninja avoiding laser-beam security trap. Same on way back.

Then:

7:00am: Wake up. Have shower and coffee. Go to work.

12:00pm: Have lunch with manbeast.

4:30pm: Leave work. Stop at mall. Shop around.

5:30pm: Grab bite at restaurant. Have glass of wine. Have wonderful conversation.

7:00pm: Go home. Call friend. Have chat. Read book. Avoid outdoors.

8:30pm: Go to movie. Meet friends. Have blast.

10:30pm: Go home. Relax on couch. Watch snow fall or heat rays wave. Be thankful for having no reason to go outside.

11:30pm: Go to bed. Stretch out. Pull blankets to chin. Rest fitfully.

2:00am: Wake having to pee. Stumble to bathroom and back. Slip back into blissful sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                               

                                

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32 thoughts on “A Day in the Life…

  1. Love. This. Could write very similar post regarding pre and post kids. I could, but might start weeping over loss of former life… 😉

  2. Hahaha! Oh, I think kids are much more intense! I also miss my life before, but I wouldn’t trade it. If anything they’re a good excuse for things you don’t want to attend!

  3. So true. A day in the life of a pet owner is a day full of fluff, caring, love, and silliness. Who needs a wonderful conversation with another human without interruption anyway. Sounds like a great day to me!

  4. Crap! This is my life, EXACTLY. Except throw a handful of chickens into the circus….and a parrot that helps yell at the dogs. My friends think I am nuts. And I am. Cheers! This post made my day.

  5. I, too, am hesitant to leave Taylor home alone for a long period of time. We actually have an AWESOME neighbor that watches Taylor whenever we have to be away from the house for a few hours. And because Jer and I work opposite schedules, Taylor gets to have a parent with her at all times! I always thought we were the only ones that felt this way…our dogs are on this earth for a shorter time compared to humans, so why have them spend hours and hours of their valuable time on this planet alone with no interaction?
    Thank you so much for another great post!

    • We didn’t do this on purpose, but it just worked out that I have been home with them. I went to school from home because it was out of province, and then I got a job working from home. They are happier because of it, and we enjoy it too! I wouldn’t have it any of way now, though. Glad you liked it!

  6. Ha ha, funny but SO true! I often look at the house and wonder what it must to be like to have floors free from drool and fur. Three things I now know that I can never have if I own dogs – a clean house, a garden without any holes dug in it and a social life! What the heck, who needs that anyway?! 😉

    • Oh, it’s so nice to know that other people do that, too! I have given up on clean floors, drool free walls, and a broom (I find vacuums work best on every type of floor with dog hair). But who cares, we are happy, our pets are happy, so that’s all I care about!

  7. I was just talking to a friend and caught myself saying “I haven’t been drunk since (long pause), well since I got Doggy”. He laughed at me and told me that I was like the cat lady, however, I look forward to get home everyday to see what mess I’m gonna find and to take Doggy out to see how he tortures smaller puppies.

    • Yes, our priorities change drastically. For us, the biggest changes came when we got the second dog. With one we still brought him along to most places, but with two people are less likely to have them both in their house with their pets and their kids. So, we stay home and hang out with the boys!

  8. Brilliant! My dogs are my family and I chose to be with them before anyone else (luckily my man beast agrees) and I can get irritable when friends don’t understand. The usual problem we come up against is friends insisting we always go to theirs for dinner as we don’t need to get a baby sitter so it is easier for us! When we had one dog, not so bad as he came everywhere, but people aren’t so welcoming when we turn up with three! Love your blog!

    • It’s been the same with us. One dog was ok for people to handle, but two seems to be too much. It might not cost money for us to leave them for an evening, but it isn’t easy! Our house leaving includes taking them out, turning on the radio, hiding the bathroom garbage, stuffing their kongs, and getting out of the house with at least one lint brush, hahaha. And thank you, I am so glad that you enjoy it! 🙂

      • Snap! And then feeling guilty and checking your watch as worrying you have left them too long. Then you get home and stay up at least another hour as it doesn’t seem fair to go straight to sleep as they are so excited you came home!

      • Yes, and you take them out right away and give them a treat and tell them you are sorry. And when possible you bring them something home with you so they don’t feel left out. While the cat watches, probably wishing you had never returned. Hahahaha. And every time you leave you coordinate your time frames to suit their schedules and needs depending on how long the event is—should one of you slip away to let them out, or should you both just leave now?

  9. Omg. I thought you were filming our household for a second there. I love the part about holding your pee because you didn’t want to disturb your dog. Sigh. The things we do for dog love!

    • Hahaha, the sad thing is that it happens all the time. There’s not much I won’t do to accommodate them, but I don’t feel so pathetic knowing that there are others out there just like me!

  10. Wow, just wow. Your house… sounds…. absolutely….. AMAZING! I so want to join in with all those fun activities. Thanks for following me too! I am also on Twitter where I post more regularly @BuddyBlog

    Thanks!

    • The dogs seem to enjoy it! 🙂 But, I bet they would like your job, too! I’m not really into Twitter, but I look forward to hearing more about you on here.

  11. Have been catching up on some of your old posts. Love this one in particular. When I was younger, in my student days, non-dog people often asked me if I minded having the responsibility of having a dog. I always thought the question was so odd. As if having to be responsible for another being was a terrible thing! Dogs give us much more than we give them 🙂 Great post.

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